This academic year has come and past in only what i can
describe as an emotional hurricane, I would say whirlwind but that’s too mild a
description. The year started with a
bang, the first week was eventful and exhausting, from the first day we arrived
in the studio we were worked emotionally, mentally and physically to breaking
point, why? Because we were first years and I guess the whole point of first
year architecture is to make or break you.
Many a time I was millimetres away from breaking point, to the point
that I couldn’t handle it anymore, to the point that I just wanted to be done
with it all, to this day I still question my own rationale over sticking with
it – I mean yes if I make it all the way I’ll have social status and far more
important than that my parents approval and maybe an ounce of my own happiness wouldn’t
be too much to ask. Work wise, this year
has been exhausting, the long hours wouldn’t have mattered as much if the
results weren’t so frustrating, because I did everything I knew I had to but I didn’t
receive proper feedback until the very last instance, all the bullshit that I had
to put up with made the end product far more satisfying. As much as I hate to admit
it, I think my demented tutor was a dick to me almost all year because he knew I
wouldn’t deal well with easy, that I need a challenge to really come alive but
honestly I think he may gone about it in the wrong way – I understand why he did
it, I just don’t agree with the method. All
I really wanted out of this year was to be appreciated for all the work and
effort I put in but I guess in my field of study appreciation is something hard
to come across. So what am I to do this summer? I think the best thing I can do is sort through my head and try and decide what it really is that I want to do which is easier said than done because a cloud of emotion lingers above all my thoughts about the past academic year.
I'll post the pages of my journal at some point, because apparently is very 'critical' of everything - you can judge for yourself.
