where to begin it all, or in this case not at all

This academic year has come and past in only what i can describe as an emotional hurricane, I would say whirlwind but that’s too mild a description.  The year started with a bang, the first week was eventful and exhausting, from the first day we arrived in the studio we were worked emotionally, mentally and physically to breaking point, why? Because we were first years and I guess the whole point of first year architecture is to make or break you.  Many a time I was millimetres away from breaking point, to the point that I couldn’t handle it anymore, to the point that I just wanted to be done with it all, to this day I still question my own rationale over sticking with it – I mean yes if I make it all the way I’ll have social status and far more important than that my parents approval and maybe an ounce of my own happiness wouldn’t be too much to ask.  Work wise, this year has been exhausting, the long hours wouldn’t have mattered as much if the results weren’t so frustrating, because I did everything I knew I had to but I didn’t receive proper feedback until the very last instance, all the bullshit that I had to put up with made the end product far more satisfying. As much as I hate to admit it, I think my demented tutor was a dick to me almost all year because he knew I wouldn’t deal well with easy, that I need a challenge to really come alive but honestly I think he may gone about it in the wrong way – I understand why he did it, I just don’t agree with the method.  All I really wanted out of this year was to be appreciated for all the work and effort I put in but I guess in my field of study appreciation is something hard to come across. So what am I  to do this summer? I think the best thing I can do is sort through my head and try and decide what it really is that  I want to do which is easier said than done because a cloud of emotion lingers above all my thoughts about the past academic year. 

I'll post the pages of my journal at some point, because apparently is very 'critical' of everything - you can judge for yourself.